Love and Autism

Hello everybody, this is George Harvey (aka The Autistic Blogger). Today I’m taking a break from writing analytical pieces to share something personal with you. Three years ago today, something remarkable happened to me. It was a moment I thought may never happen because of my Autism. But it did. And I can honestly say I’m a more sociable person because of it. It’s even helped me to get out of the house and do things I never would’ve considered. What do I mean? It was three years ago today that I began devoting myself to another person. July 23rd is the anniversary of when I first met my girlfriend.

Before I go into details, let me rewind the clock a few years. 

I’ve sometimes wondered when it is somebody first starts thinking about love. Of course, when you’re younger, you have the love from your family, your school friends, and other adults who care for your wellbeing. But I mean romantic love. The feelings you get when you want to be with someone forever. Or show them they’re more than just a friend to you. Primary School, in most cases, seems too early. You’re still experiencing the basics of life, and romance can feel as far off as driving a car or getting a job. There are exceptions, of course. True love can blossom almost anywhere. But the most you get from younger children is pretending to be in love or having imaginary weddings. It’s not something they usually take so seriously. 

Early Secondary School – or late Primary – is when things start changing. At this stage, you’re more aware of what life offers you outside of school. Admittedly, some parts can be stressful; schoolwork is challenging, daily routines are busier, and you have to take on many new responsibilities. However, there’s also a sense of pride that comes with it. Reaching this stage in your life proves you’ve worked hard to get there. You realise you’re closer to adulthood and want to experience its benefits. These include choosing a career, being more independent, and, of course, falling in love.

When it comes to romantic feelings, your first time can be something simple. Maybe there’s someone in your school you like because they’re attractive. Or there’s a celebrity you admire because of their wealth and success. In these cases, though, you’re missing the essential component of a relationship: compatibility. Two people need to have something in common for a relationship to work. It could be a hobby, an interest or something more personal. But there has to be common ground: something that makes you want to keep meeting and talking with that person. If you just like somebody for their appearance, then – as the old saying goes – “take a picture, it will last longer.” There’s also nothing wrong with admiring celebrities. Just so long as you remember, there’s a difference between loving someone and idolising them. Realistically, someone like a celebrity is beyond your reach. Even if you spent years building yourself up to their status, they’d likely already be taken by that point. Plus, setting your standards too high will cause you to miss opportunities in your younger years. There could be someone perfect for you right under your nose, and you’d never notice because you’re busy obsessing over a hopeless fantasy. It’s harsh, but it’s true.

Another harsh reality is that everyone looking to find love will inevitably experience heartbreak. Finding the right match can be tricky. And, along the way, you will end up loving the wrong person – someone who won’t always love you back or for the right reasons. Regardless, it’s essential to keep searching and persevere. A day will come when your efforts will pay off. Trust me, I know.

My first experience of “young love” was back in Primary School. My mum was close friends with someone whose daughter was in the same year group as my sister and me. We’d spend time together outside of school, and she became one of our closest friends. I don’t know when it started exactly, but I liked this girl enough that I began fantasising we were boyfriend and girlfriend. It never turned into anything genuine, though. It was similar to when I imagined meeting my favourite TV characters in the playground at breaktimes. It was just words and make-believe. I knew nothing about romance at that age. And even if I did, I wouldn’t have known how I’d make our relationship into a serious one. After Primary School, we started seeing each other less and less. At which point, I knew it was time to move on.

In Secondary School, I took things more seriously. Not just in terms of romance, though. Starting a new school felt very intimidating to me because everything was unfamiliar. I also knew schoolwork and punishments could be harsher if you stepped out of line. I had it in my head that if I kept misbehaving as I did in Primary School, I would never survive this stage in my life. So while everyone else became louder and more rebellious, I was determined to become the best model pupil I could be. 

Anyway, throughout Secondary School, there was a girl in my year I couldn’t help admiring. She wasn’t as boisterous as my other classmates and generally seemed like a nice person. However, I didn’t know anything about her besides that. Also, rather shamefully, I admit that I liked her because she looked like my pretend girlfriend from Primary School. Part of me wanted to know her better. But I was always too nervous to talk to her. Usually, it was better just admiring her from afar. It wasn’t until a week before graduating that I finally found the courage to confess my secret crush on her. She was okay with it. And I was glad I told her. But by that point, of course, it was too little too late.

So now let’s talk about when my life changed for the better; that moment when I met the perfect girl three years ago.

Since leaving Secondary School, I’d never made much effort to find a girlfriend. But I had gotten better at talking to people. I’d made some close friends in college, where I graduated with professional and creative writing degrees. I’d gotten my driver’s licence. I had a well-paid job and a stable living. I was interacting with more people as part of a drama society, and I even managed to rent my first property and move out of my mum’s house. However, despite all of that, I knew something was missing. Because aside from meeting with family members or talking to colleagues at work or drama, I rarely got out and did anything. There was no one to share my life experiences with or encourage me to try new things. I knew if this didn’t change, I would spend the rest of my life alone. Even my mum realised this and told me I had to start looking for a girlfriend. Unfortunately, with no experience in dating and all those years of missed opportunities, I had no idea where to begin. I did create a profile on PlentyOfFish.com. And I also downloaded an app which showed suggestions of people’s names, ages and appearances. But before I got into those too deeply, fate unexpectedly smiled on me.

One afternoon, I was visiting my dad and stepmom. They both knew I was looking for a girlfriend. But I never expected how helpful they’d be. My stepmom told me she knew somebody who knew someone whose relative was a lot like me: being Autistic as well. She also said that if I was interested, she could put me in contact with this girl by giving me her phone number. Part of me was hesitant about diving into this head-first. But I decided to take the chance anyway. After a few days of putting it off (due to nerves), I sent this girl a text message introducing myself. A day or so later, she replied to me, saying she’d be happy to get to know me too. For several weeks, we exchanged texts back and forth, learning more about each other and what we were doing. I was a little thrown off when I found out she was nine years older than me. But as the old saying goes, “age is just a number.” And by the time we met properly, the difference was hardly noticeable. 

Speaking of which, I still remember the first day we met. It was around the time when Disney’s The Lion King (2019) was playing at cinemas. Since we both enjoyed Disney, we arranged to meet and go and see it together. That afternoon, I waited outside Cineworld between some giant movie posters. I sent her a text saying where I was and what I’d be wearing. After several minutes, I saw someone crossing the road towards me. And I knew it had to be her. I wasn’t sure how to think or feel at that moment. Here I was, somebody who’d never been on a date in his life, meeting a girl he’d never seen or spoken to (except through text messages), and now we’d be spending the next few hours together. As it turned out, though, I needn’t have worried. Because when we spoke for the first time, it was clear that she was just as nervous about meeting me. Being on equal footing like this was reassuring to both of us. 

After a friendly exchange, we went inside and talked some more before the movie started. I was astonished by how much we had in common. It wasn’t just our Autism; many of our tastes and interests were similar. We talked about old TV shows we’d seen, what some of our experiences in education were like, and the kinds of jobs we’d had. She also told me how one of her favourite dinners was a burger and chips, with nothing in the burger except the meat and some ketchup. I couldn’t believe it – that was exactly how I enjoyed that meal too. When the movie was over, we had a couple of drinks at a local bar – where I learned she didn’t care for alcohol either – we said our goodbyes and agreed to stay in touch.

Overall, I felt the evening had gone very well. This girl was certainly easy to talk to, and she didn’t seem to have any negative traits. I didn’t know if our relationship would be permanent yet. But I was more than happy to meet with her again. And so we did, several times. Whether walking through the park, going to a bowling alley, eating dinner or just shopping together, we tried to do something different every time we met. Slowly but surely, our relationship developed. I met with her family; she met with mine, and our feelings for one another grew. There was even a moment when I decided to kiss her – instead of hugging as we always did. It was only meant to be on the cheek. But then she leaned forward, and we shared a passionate kiss on the lips. It was then I knew for sure we’d become boyfriend and girlfriend. 

Another memorable day was when my mum met her. After getting to know her, she took me aside and told me how much she liked her. She even said she thought she was the perfect girl for me. And, in all honesty, I had to agree. My girlfriend and I understood each other’s needs and desires. We had that common ground that made us want to keep meeting and doing new things together. Above all else, though, I loved how understanding she could be. Admittedly, I haven’t always been the best boyfriend to her. Sometimes I’ve had to call off our meetings due to work commitments. Sometimes I don’t compliment her enough on her appearance. Even when we’re talking, I sometimes miss parts of what she says because my mind wanders off. I feel ashamed when this happens. So one time, I spoke to her in the car. I told her that if there was anything about me she thought I needed to work on, she should let me know straight away. I wanted our relationship to work out. However, she told me I didn’t need to improve anything. She accepted me for who I was, including my flaws. Plus, she admired my honesty. She’d never had anything like that with her previous boyfriends. It was then that she told me, in her own words, that I was “the best thing that’s ever happened to [her].” Coming from someone who was nine years older and had more experience with romance, that meant a lot to me.

They say that true love is when you have someone in your life you can’t bear to live without. I didn’t know if I felt that way about my girlfriend. But a rather scary situation convinced me otherwise. One evening in 2020, I was home alone when I received the most dreadful news: my girlfriend (and her mum) had caught Covid-19. A wave of concern rushed over me. I knew how deadly the virus could be if you had medical issues. And my girlfriend once told me she’d had problems with asthma, which would put her at greater risk. After everything we’d been through together, all the memories we’d made, and the experiences we’d shared, I didn’t know what I would do if the worst happened. How could I ever find somebody else as perfect as her? Every day I video-called her to see how she was doing. She stayed in high spirits, despite her coughing fits. And I did my best to reassure her. Finally, after two weeks, her (and her mum’s) condition improved, and it was clear she was going to be alright. Since then, I’ve never doubted how much I genuinely love her.

So there you have it: a brief history of this Autistic Blogger’s love life. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading and that I’ve given you some reassurance for the future. The road to finding true love is never easy. It’s full of trial and error. But never let the hardships deter you. It doesn’t matter how old you are, what condition you may have, or if you’ve never had experience with love or dating. There’s somebody out there for everyone. You don’t even need to do what everyone else does, like go on dating sites. Sometimes it’s just a case of taking a chance with the right person at the right time. You never know if that moment will change your life forever.

That’s all I have to say for now. If you have any questions, please leave them in the comments below – I’ll be more than happy to answer them. And, to that special girl I met three years ago today, I just wanted to say, I love you to the moon and back. Happy Anniversary!

See also:

GeoStar The Autistic Vlogger – YouTube

Autistic Blogger Creates – Creative Works by The Autistic Blogger (wordpress.com)

Wolf Children Review

A lot of people ask me why I love anime. Is it their high-quality animation. Their action sequences. The fact they come up with ideas most western studios rarely try? Well, I’d be lying if I said those weren’t contributing factors. But there is another reason. And that’s their art for storytelling. You see, in my opinion, some of the best-told stories aren’t those that focus primarily on fantasy. But rather use fantasy elements to enhance real-world scenarios. Spirited Away, for example, is about a young girl who grows in maturity to save her parents. Setting it in the real world might’ve conveyed this message fine. But there wouldn’t have been anything universally memorable about it. Incorporating the spirit world, with its bizarre and deadly creatures, better presents her fear of the unknown and what she ultimately overcomes. Additionally, the animation provides character designs, facial expressions and overall appeal that isn’t achievable with live-action or CGI – compare Disney’s live-action remakes to their counterparts for instance. Other movies use fantasised realism too; Kiki’s Delivery Service, My Neighbour Totoro, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time. And then there’s this story. Out of all the anime I’ve seen, Wolf Children arguably perfects this style the most. How exactly? Let’s start with the plot.

It’s the story of Hana, a college student who falls in love with a mysterious man in her lecture hall. This man, it turns out, is a half-wolf creature, and he’s been living a life of solitude because of what he is. Regardless Hana still cares for him, and it’s not long before they start a family together. But when tragedy strikes, leaving her single, she discovers their children (Yuki and Ame) have inherited their father’s wolf-genes. Now she has to raise them alone while protecting their secret from prying eyes.

As you can tell, the heart of this story comes from family struggles. The movie highlights different stages of the characters’ lives and what they overcome for a safer living. If you’re a parent yourself – or even a growing child – then you can easily relate to these. However, it’s the fantasy aspects which exemplify them to a broader audience. Let me explain.

First of all, I have to praise the movie for setting the right tone early on. It emphasises realism by showing us who these characters are and what lives they lead beforehand. Hana is a university student with a part-time job and an optimistic personality. She also lives alone and is very self-sufficient. Her partner-to-be, meanwhile, seems less fortunate. He mentions just wanting to belong somewhere and works a mediocre job delivering furniture. However, he dreams about the future and proves to have a caring heart despite his distant nature. For any young adults, they can immediately see themselves in these characters. They’re both grounded in reality with nothing about them even hinting at fantasy – save one opening line. And then the man reveals his secret.

I have to say; this scene is very well-executed. Not only do we feel the characters’ emotional turmoil, but it’s something every real couple has to go through. At this point, we know the man has been hiding something. He wants to tell Hana the truth but is terrified of losing her. And why shouldn’t he be? In real life, this could be someone revealing they have a disability or criminal record: something that might discourage their partner from wanting to see them again. Yet they have to, or they’ll eventually learn the hard way. The man wants to avoid this, but Hana goes to extreme lengths to prove her devotion. After which, he stops distancing himself. And when he reveals his wolf-form, she is scared at first – naturally so. But it’s the aftermath that counts. Hana doesn’t care what her partner is. All that matters is ‘who’ he is: the same loving, kind-hearted man who would do anything for her. And it’s this love that sees her through the shock, allowing her to start a new life with him. Their relationship might seem forced or cliched at times, but it’s a beautiful story of true love and acceptance.

And that’s only the first 10mins!

Fantasised realism continues when its just Hana and her kids. No longer is she a self-sufficient college student, but a full-time mom on the verge of collapse. We do see the joys Yuki and Ame bring to her life, but it’s clear she struggles to raise them – especially as they keep switching between humans and wolves. If that wasn’t enough, Hana endures many terrible hardships; her neighbours are aggressive, social workers suspect her of neglect, her landlord threatens to evict her. And that’s on top of everything she’s given up: her job, education and her health. But the worst part is, she has no one to turn to for help. She can’t even take her children to a doctor in case they find out their secret. It starts to feel like the whole world is watching, and her kids are in constant danger. She couldn’t bear losing them like she lost her partner.

For anyone who’s never had kids, these scenes are real eye-openers. They reveal how stressful being a single parent is, with all the work and anxiety involved. Plus, the fantasy elements only magnify Hana’s problems. If her kids’ secret didn’t force her into hiding, there’d be more help available to a young mother. As it is, she’s seemingly on her own with no way out of her worrying predicament.

However, the movie’s goal isn’t to discourage its audience. Instead, it wants to show how these hardships can be overcome with the right mindset and determination. And that’s what Hana displays.

Realising the tough situation she’s in, Hana makes a bold decision to move her family to the countryside. There she fixes an old worn-down house (by herself) making it into a proper home. She then goes about learning new skills, like farming and job searching, while teaching Yuki and Ame about responsibilities. Additionally, she has to deal with them growing up and wanting to go out into the world. Namely: attending school. Hana is reluctant, at first, because her kids have never been around large groups of people. Also, there’s no guarantee they’ll control themselves – sometimes they turn into wolves when they get too emotional. These fears are common in parents with disadvantaged children. Should they send them to a public school and risk unsettlement? Would a special needs school be better? Or home-schooling? What would be the safest option? In the end, Hana allows her kids to attend public school since it’s what Yuki wanted. Plus, like any mother, she wants them to have the same opportunities as everyone else. But I digress.

Everything we see is a testament to Hana’s resilience. Her problems never go away quickly, but it’s her strong will that sees her through them. Keeping a level head lets her make the right choices for her kids – even if they’re harder to deal with than average. If you’re a single parent yourself, you can take inspiration from Hana’s story. No matter what challenges you face, if she can manage much worse, you know you can too. It’s all about finding the right balance.

Speaking of balance, I admire how this movie balances darker and light-hearted moments. There are too many to list here, but each one presents itself in a memorable way. For example, there’s the scene where Hana discovers her partner is dead. It begins with nothing but her and the sound of rain. As she looks for him, the rainfall intensifies. And when she finally sees him, there’s suddenly dead silence – broken only by her anguished screams. Alternatively, there’s a scene where she plays in the snow with her kids. There’s no dialogue or sound effects. It’s just them, some beautiful animation and an uplifting soundtrack. Sometimes that’s all you need. The movie does have moments of expositional dialogue, but there are also moments of silence. And sometimes the animation does all the talking: like when Hana learns she’s pregnant, or when she’s torn between a hospital and a vet, and especially during the forest scenes. For the latter, they use camera angles, lighting, water, shadows, and other details to show the grand scale of it. I don’t often mention the animation in my reviews. But in this case, it’s an essential supporting aspect.

Another essential aspect is the characters Hana encounters. There’s her partner (of course), who continues to influence the family long after his death. Her new neighbours, who help her settle into the countryside. Mr Nirasaki, who can be strict but well-meaning. And a boy called Souhei, who unintentionally discovers the family’s secret – leading to a scene that brings the movie full-circle.

And then you have the wolf children themselves: Yuki and Ame. From the moment they’re born, until their early teens, we see just how much they grow and develop as individuals. Interestingly, enough, the story highlights how specific influences affect a person’s mentality, setting them on a new path from when they were younger. Let me elaborate.

First of all, there’s Yuki; the older of the two siblings (who also narrates the story). In the beginning, she’s a lot more confident than her brother. She’s loud, boisterous and takes pride in her abilities as a wolf. Nothing about her is graceful or ladylike. But then, later on, she’s exposed to things like going to school and making friends, and she discovers the joys of being a human girl. After that, she gives up her wolf habits – like parts of her childhood – and aims to be the best human she can be.

As for Ame, he takes the opposite route. Initially, he’s quite timid and frail; often crying at everything and not liking change. He’s also ashamed of being part-wolf because of how society views them – particularly in children’s books. Following a near-death experience, though, he sees how strong he can be and resolves to better himself. Unfortunately, this means dropping out of school and fully embracing his inner wolf.

Now, to be fair, Ame does have a noble cause. He wants to protect nature and its balance with his newfound skills. However, it’s still a cause for concern. Hana thinks her son is choosing a dangerous lifestyle, and that he’s too young in human years. Metaphorically, this could represent parents who worry their child will fall into a life of crime or worse. It’s also worth noting that, before this, Hana wanted her children to have the choice of being wolves if they desired. Now she’s more objectional. Ame’s decision also puts him into conflict with his sister, since they don’t agree on what they are, and it leads to violence between them. A teenager’s life is complicated enough. But for Yuki and Ame to go through this unique identity crisis – as well as their changes in mentality – it adds a whole other layer to their characters. Once again, fantasy succeeds in translating a universal subject to us.

In conclusion, Wolf Children is a heartfelt story of love, sacrifice and determination. The plot does have some forced cliches, like teen romance and fitting in, but they’re honestly nit-picks at best. The narrative more than makes up for them with emotionally engaging characters, beautiful animation, a story anyone can relate to, and fantasy elements which broaden their impact. As for recommendations, this is something for the whole family to watch. Grown-ups can understand their kids’ mentality through Yuki’s narration, while children can appreciate their parents’ struggles through Hana’s perspective. It’s one of those stories that brings everyone closer together.

That’s all I have to say for ‘Wolf Children‘. I look forward to reviewing another anime movie in the future. So until then, stay tuned.

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If you have any questions, please leave me a comment – I’ll be happy to answer them. And, until next time, stay tuned.

(Image courtesy of: https://www.latimes.com/entertainment/movies/moviesnow/la-et-mn-wolf-children-20130927-story.html)

Finding Dory Review

Hello everybody, this is George Harvey (aka The Autistic Blogger). And today I’m here with another of my reviews on disabilities in the media. Now, as my Third Anniversary Special was a bit UK-centred, and something hardly anyone knew, I decided to look at something more internationally well-known. Also, I’m taking a step back from Autism and focusing on disabilities in general. I see no better movie to do that with than Finding Dory (2016).

During the late 90s and early 2000s, Pixar was establishing themselves as one of the industry leaders in animated films. With their ground-breaking computer technology and stories that were both imaginative and relatable, every feature they released was a major success. One of their biggest hits during that period was Finding Nemo (2003); a story about an overprotective father (Marlin the clownfish), whose son (Nemo) is kidnapped by divers. Now he has to fight his way through the ocean to reach Syndey, Australia and save him. It’s not the most original concept ever. In fact, you could say it’s your typical run-of-the-mill rescue mission. But what it ended up becoming was something a lot more. Through bonds of friendship, life-threatening situations, and personal growth for both the father and son, it’s a story that shows just how the power of love can overcome any obstacle and bring families closer together.

The response to this film was outstanding. Not only did it win the Academy Award for Best Animated Feature in 2003, but it was the second highest grossing film of that year and became one of the best-selling DVDs of all time – with 40 million copies sold in just three years. The American Film Institute even named it the 10th Greatest Animated Film ever made, and, it was voted one of the Greatest Motion Pictures since 2000 by international critics. After more than a decade since its release, Finding Nemo continues to inspire audiences both young and old. And so in 2013, Pixar announced they’d be releasing a sequel. But how do you continue a story that was near-perfect and arguably didn’t need a follow-up? By focusing on one of its most beloved characters. The ever-forgetful Dory.

Voiced by Ellen DeGeneres, Dory is the regal blue tang who joins Marlin on his quest to find Nemo. Although she’s incredibly good-hearted and wants to help, it doesn’t take Marlin long to realise she comes with complications. You see, Dory has a disability – specifically short-term memory loss – which causes her to forget things almost instantly. Throughout the first film, her condition is mostly played for comedy or used to delay the journey somehow. But it’s not all bad. Some of her other abilities are very useful to Marlin. For one thing, she can read. Which allows them to work out where Nemo is. She also teaches Marlin to enjoy himself every once in a while and uses her charm to get other fish to help them. Additionally, her disability has its high points too. While travelling with Marlin, she remembers their destination thanks to her strong desire to help him. Also, towards the end, when it seems he and Nemo have missed each other, Dory is able to reunite them following a sudden spark in her memory. Through it all, though, she remains her lovable and entertaining self.

In Finding Dory, she becomes the main character. And we’re given answers to questions we never realised we needed. How did Dory learn to read? Where did she come from? And, most importantly, what happened to her parents? In this role reversal of the first film, she sets out to find her family with help from Marlin and Nemo. Along the way, her condition is explored more deeply, and the film provides a social commentary on disabilities as a whole. Now, obviously, I can’t speak for anyone who has short-term memory loss, since I don’t have the condition myself. But I am diagnosed with Autism, which is also a neurological disability. And, as far as representing those go, the film does an excellent job speaking to both the people diagnosed with them and their parents. How exactly? Let’s find out.

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The movie begins with a young Dory, learning a phrase from her parents – one that will help her if she ever gets lost. “Hi, I’m Dory, I suffer from short-term memory loss.” We then get our first glimpse of how the condition affects her. She can’t count to 10, she’s easily distracted by sand (because it’s squishy) and forgets her parents are pretending to be fish she’s never met.

Distraction is common for people with neurological disabilities. Things may look or sound more interesting than what we should be focusing on, and our brains get instinctively attracted to them. This can lead to learning difficulties, which is why those people need guidance and support in their early years.

Dory’s condition also poses risks to her wellbeing. We see she has to be careful not to swim near the undertow or its current might sweep her away. However, she forgets the danger and occasionally swims too close anyway. Her parents try teaching her a song to remember, but she gets distracted again and starts singing a different tune. It’s at this point she notices them looking worried and feels sorry.

What’s good about this scene is that Dory’s parents remain patient and reassuring. Even young children will understand they have problems and they might feel ashamed by them. It’s essential for parents to make sure their child isn’t discouraged and that they find engaging ways of teaching them – no matter how challenging it is.

We then cut to some time later, where Dory has somehow gotten lost. She remembers what her parents taught her to say, but she can’t remember how she lost them. Worse still, she keeps forgetting the fish who try to help her and wanders off again and again. She spends years wandering the ocean until she bumps into Marlin, setting off the events of the first film.

It can be a risky thing when a child gets lost. But it’s even more so when that child has a disability. In some cases, they get so invested in their own thoughts that they can’t comprehend what’s going on around them. I know this because it wasn’t long ago a child wandered off from a store where I work. They actually left the shop altogether and began walking down the high street with a busy road. Even when he was found, he didn’t respond to his mother’s calls or understand what he’d done wrong. Not all children are affected to this degree. But until they know better, it’s best never to let a child like this out of your sight. In Dory’s case, she was lucky not to have been eaten.

A year later, Dory is happily living next door to Marlin and Nemo. However, she keeps waking up too early and forgetting about their anemone’s stings. During a field trip to the stingray migration, words like “home” and “undertow” suddenly trigger suppressed memories in Dory’s mind; she remembers how she got lost and something called “the Jewel of Morro Bay, California.” In a frenzy, she swims for the edge of the reef.

Before I go on, I should say this: Dory continues having these flashbacks throughout the movie, and they gradually reveal what happened to her. Initially, they were meant to be part of the first film with Marlin – to show why he became so paranoid and overbearing. However, the idea was dropped in favour of the prologue because it would’ve diverted from the journey’s heart too much. The reason they work better here is they allow us to feel what it’s like having Dory’s condition. With each new memory, we learn crucial information which brings us closer to the story’s climax. In this sense, it’s as much our journey as it is her’s.

Dory makes it clear she doesn’t want to forget these memories. She has to find her family but knows she can’t do it alone. She needs Marlin and Nemo with her or else she’ll forget. On a side note, I really love it when disadvantaged people show this level of understanding towards their condition. It proves they can work around their own limitations and live independently.

Marlin is reluctant to leave the reef again. But seeing how much Dory misses her parents, as he did Nemo, he agrees to help her. This is a well-executed moment because it gives us some emotional, as well as nostalgic, connection to the first film. We then get another one in the next scene. We see Crush the sea turtle again! By the way, this movie does feature many returning characters (e.g. the seagulls, Mr Ray, and the Tank Gang), but they only play very minor roles, and more emphasis is given to the newer ones introduced – which I’ll get to in a minute.

Upon arriving in California, Dory has a flashback which reminds her of her parents’ names: Jenny and Charlie. Unfortunately, calling them attracts the attention of a monster squid. After nearly getting Nemo eaten, Marlin angrily tells Dory to wait somewhere and forget – since it’s what she does best. This is harsh and would definitely upset anyone with a disability. Essentially, it shows us how not to react in this situation. Marlin gets frustrated with Dory and berates her for not being able to do the simplest things. Even though it’s not always her fault. Saying something like this would just make her resent her condition and gravely affect her psyche. Compared to the earlier scene with Dory’s parents, it’s clear which way is better in handling challenging situations. Additionally, this moment begins a small development arc for Marlin. As Nemo points out, his father tends not to believe in the capabilities of disadvantaged creatures. He did so a lot with Nemo in the first film – given his son was born with a disfigured fin – and continues doing so with Dory, and later a mentally-handicapped bird named Becky. Eventually, he does realise the error of his ways and accepts these creatures have their own way of solving things.

Back onto the story, Dory is caught by marine biologists and taken into the Californian Marine Life Institute – aka “The Jewel of Morro Bay.” Inside, she comes across some colourful characters. There’s Hank the octopus, who’s a bit grouchy but has three good hearts, and two other disabled sea creatures: Destiny the whale shark, who’s near-sighted; and Bailey the beluga, who supposedly can’t use his echolocation after hitting his head. Having characters like this with physical disabilities shows the movie is appealing to all disabled audiences, not just those associated with memory loss. Additionally, they provide some alternate viewpoints on the subject. Destiny doesn’t like her disability because it makes her scared of bumping into things. Whereas Bailey could, unfortunately, represent someone trying to exploit their disability; it’s revealed later on he can use echolocation, he just let his injury prevent him from trying. Being disabled does make things challenging, there’s no doubt, but it should never be used as an excuse. I never let my Autism stop me from putting in my best writing effort.

After more flashbacks, Dory recalls it was Destiny who taught her to speak whale and her parents who made up the Just Keep Swimming song. She also remembers her dad telling her there’s always another way, which inspires her to reach the Open Ocean exhibit – where her parents are – by land. Thinking back to the beginning, when Dory was struggling to learn important lessons, these revelations prove it is possible to remember them over time – even with a neurological disability. It just takes persistence and creativity. In Dory’s case, she was able to memorise whale-speak through constant practice with Destiny, and, her parents embedded a catchy song in her head, which helped her grow up happy and determined. It’s moments like this when disabilities don’t seem all that bad. However, in contrast, the next scene presents some of the issues Dory still has with her’s.

While travelling to the Open Ocean exhibit (by stroller and sippy cup), Dory has to remember the route by following signs and giving Hank directions. She keeps repeating “follow the signs to [the] Open Ocean“, but even then she get’s distracted. Consequently, she makes Hank take a wrong turn and they end up way off track. He then exclaims her memory isn’t working and it’s probably how she lost her family in the first place. Again this is harsh, but it sets up for some essential character development.

While defending she didn’t ‘lose’ anyone, Dory and Hank end up in the touch pool. Which I will admit is made to feel very threatening from the perspective of a fish. Despite the risk of being crushed, Dory tells Hank he needs to keep on swimming, and soon he releases a cloud of ink which fends off the kids. With his life saved, Hank takes back what he said and warms up to Dory. In fact, when they eventually part ways, he says he’ll have a hard time forgetting her. Just as she says “I think I’m going to remember you” – which coming from her means a lot.

Inside the Open Ocean, Dory can’t find her parents. But she does notice some shells lying in the sand. She then remembers her parents used to leave a trail of them so she could find her way home. Following it, she comes to the place where she used to live. But her parents aren’t there either. Seeing it, however, does bring back her most significant memory. One night, a young Dory overheard her mother crying. She was worried that her daughter wouldn’t be able to live independently given the severity of her condition. Dory didn’t want to see her mother sad, so she went to get her a purple shell to cheer her up. Unfortunately, the one she chose was too close to the undertow, and the current swept her away.

How many parents have had this concern? How easy is it to think your child won’t survive in life because of their condition? What if your teaching methods are all in vain? I know my parents must’ve felt this way at some point. And so have millions of others. But the thing is, none of it’s true. History has shown that even the most severely disabled people can go on to live happy, normal lives and do incredible things. It’s not just me, famous people have overcome their limitations; Albert Einstein, Satoshi Tajiri, Steven Hawking and many more. What’s important is for parents not to give in to doubt. If they do, their child will just pick up on their concerns and lack any self-confidence. But if they stick to their teachings and remain calm and reassuring, everything will work out well in the end. If there’s one scene from Finding Dory worth watching, believe me, it’s this one.

Following her flashback, Dory learns that all the regal blue tangs have been taken into quarantine. The quickest way to get there is through the pipes, but she’s worried she’ll forget the directions she’s given – again, this is showing a clear understanding of her limitations. Unfortunately, she’s right. Within moments the directions get jumbled up in her head, she makes wrong turns and becomes hopelessly lost. Luckily another memory saves her. Using the pipes’ echo, she’s able to contact Destiny, and, with Bailey’s reawakened echolocation, the whale shark guides her to safety. But not before the latter reunites with Marlin and Nemo, who’ve been on their own misadventure to find her.

As the three travel down the pipes together, Dory wonders if her parents will really want to see her again. But Marlin tells her they’ll be overjoyed. Because parents will always love their children regardless of their disabilities. Which is an important thing to remember; no matter how challenging a child’s condition is, it’s simply a part of who they are. True parents will learn to accept this and live past it. Marlin knows Dory’s parents will also love who she is now. Because he admits that the time he’s spent with her has made him a better father. In fact, the way he and Nemo found her was by thinking: “What would Dory do?” She feels happier after hearing this, but Nemo is sad to realise they’ll have to say goodbye soon.

Arriving in quarantine, it doesn’t take the friends long to find the regal blue tangs’ tank. However, there’s shocking news: Jenny and Charlie went missing years ago. Apparently, they followed Dory down the pipes to try and find her but never came back. Believing her parents to be dead, Dory begins spacing out and loses all sense of what’s going on. It then goes from bad to worse as she’s lifted from the tank – leaving Marlin and Nemo trapped – gets dropped on the floor and then slips down a grating back into the ocean. Within seconds, she can’t remember what’s just happened and even forgets Marlin and Nemo.

This goes back to what I said about being heavily invested in your own thoughts. Dory is so distraught by her parents’ fate that she can’t register anything else. It’s another well-executed moment because everything is shown through Dory’s eyes, allowing us to feel how confused and unfocused she is.

At this point, Dory is terrified. And we’re scared for her since there’s a real chance she could end up wandering the ocean again. Fortunately, the one thing she does remember is “what would Dory do?” So, staying calm, she assesses her surroundings and makes decisions on where to go. First, she swims towards some kelp (since it’s better than open water); then some sand (because it’s squishy), then a shell, then another shell, then another. And then she realises there’s a whole trail of them. Following it, she comes to a sunken tyre with dozens of shell trails leading towards it. As she approaches, two figures emerge from the distance. It’s her parents! After a moment of stunned silence, Jenny and Charlie rush towards their daughter and embrace her lovingly. Dory is overjoyed as well. But then she starts crying. She apologises to her parents, saying she knows she’s got a problem, but can’t fix it; thoughts leave her head, ideas change, she even forgot about them, etc.

Never before have I ever seen a character so openly expressive about their condition. If the flashback with Dory’s mother was for the parents watching, this scene is definitely for the children.

Jenny and Charlie tell Dory not to be sorry. Because she found them! And they always knew she would. They escaped the institute and stayed in one place for years, collecting shells and making trails, because they always knew somehow she’d remember what they taught her. And she did. “You remembered in your own amazing Dory way,” Jenny says. This was the most powerful line in the whole movie for me. It speaks volumes about the true capabilities of disabled people and what they can achieve under the right influences.

When asked if she’s been alone all this time, Dory suddenly remembers Marlin and Nemo. She has to go back and save them or else they’ll be shipped off to Missouri with the regal blue tangs. With help from her parents and numerous other creatures – including Hank, Bailey and Destiny (who’ve all escaped the institute) – she comes up with a plan. At one point, she has to separate from her parents. But she tells them not to worry. Because even if she does forget, she knows she can find them again. After some crazy shenanigans, including hijacking a truck and crashing it into the sea, Marlin and Nemo are saved. And the other sea creatures can finally enjoy the real open ocean.

Sometime later, Dory is back on the reef with Marlin and Nemo. Her parents have moved there along with Hank, Bailey and Destiny. We see she still has problems with her memory, e.g. forgetting how to count and why she’s counting, but after thinking things through, she’s able to remember quickly. The final scene shows her enjoying the ocean view with Marlin and having one last flashback: her parents are proud she’s followed the shell trail home and say she can do anything if she puts her mind to it.

In conclusion, Finding Dory may not have been a sequel anyone asked for. But it was a surprising success nonetheless. With its unforgettable characters and highly relatable story, it’s little wonder why it became the second Pixar film to gross more than a billion dollars at the box office. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: this movie is for everyone. Even if you’re not a fan of Pixar or animation, I’d recommend it if you’re associated with disabilities in any way (parent or child).

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And that’s all I have to say for Finding Dory. I’m sorry this review took me a little longer to finish, but I hope you’ve enjoyed it. If you have any questions, please leave me a comment – I’ll be more than happy to answer them. And, as always, stay tuned.

(Image courtesy of https://www.amazon.ca/Finding-Dory-Blu-ray-DVD-Digital/dp/B01FJ4UGF0)

My Little Pony: Lesson Zero and Autism (Part 1)

Hello, everybody, this is George Harvey (aka the Autistic Blogger). And today I’m going to be looking into something I’ve wanted to for quite some time now.

If you’ve read some of my earlier posts, you’ll know I’m a big fan of the series My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I could write on and on about why I support the fandom, and why I think the show appeals to all audiences – not just young girls – but that’s something for another time. What I want to do, instead, is focus on one episode in particular, and discuss how I think it’s significant to people with Autism.

But before I do, allow me to give an overview of the series.

Friendship is Magic takes place in the land of Equestria, a magical world inhabited by Unicorns, Pegasi and Earth Ponies – as well as other mythical creatures such as Dragons and Alicorns (winged unicorns). In the beginning, the main character is Twilight Sparkle, a unicorn who studies magic under the tutelage of Princess Celestia, the alicorn monarch of the land. Twilight is a model pupil, and she seems content with her life. But she always spends her free time studying. As a result, she never socialises with anybody other than Spike; a young, flightless dragon, who acts as her personal assistant. This concerns Celestia.

One day, the princess sends them both to Ponyvile to help with the Summer Sun Festival. As they explore the village, Twilight encounters five other ponies. Applejack; a hard-working farm pony. Fluttershy; who loves animals and gets scared easily. Pinkie Pie; who’s full of energy and loves parties. Rarity; who dreams of opening fashion boutiques all over Equestria. And Rainbow Dash; who thinks she’s the coolest flyer around and plans on joining the Wonderbolts aerial team. At first, Twilight wants nothing to do with these ponies. Even when they join her on a quest to stop the evil alicorn, Nightmare Moon. As they journey to the villain’s lair, however, Twilight realises her companions represent the Elements of Harmony – honesty (Applejack), kindness (Fluttershy), laughter (Pinkie Pie), generosity (Rarity) and loyalty (Rainbow Dash). More importantly, though, they’re her friends! Together with Twilight’s own element of magic, they defeat Nightmare Moon and restore her to her true form; Princess Luna. After the festival, Celestia allows Twilight to stay in Ponyville so she can learn more about the magic of friendship.

Now the premise might sound cheesy, I know. But you’d be surprised how seriously Friendship is Magic takes itself. Unlike previous generations of My Little Pony, the show doesn’t appeal to audiences by being over-the-top and girly. Instead, it focuses on teaching universal morals that everyone can relate to. These morals include: being open about your problems, discovering your purpose in life, and staying true to yourself no matter what tries to sway you. Some episodes even touch on deeper subjects like depression, racism and civil war.

Additionally, the show has run for over six seasons because its characters are always developing. Fluttershy is now braver and more assertive, Rarity and Rainbow Dash have achieved their dreams in fashion and flying, and Twilight herself has become an alicorn princess with a student all her own.

But I don’t want to ramble for too long.

The episode I’m going to discuss is called Lesson Zero (S2, Ep3). Admittedly, this is one of the older stories in the series, now. But it’s significant to me for various reasons. Not only was it the first episode of ‘Friendship is Magic’ I ever saw, but after watching it again, I realised something familiar about Twilight’s behaviour. Specifically, she showcases many autistic traits throughout the story. For a brand that used to be all Happy Rainbow Butterfly Pony Flowers (Animat, 2012), I think it was admirable of the writers to take My Little Pony in this direction.

Just for the record, I don’t think Twilight is autistic – there’s plenty of evidence to suggest that she’s not. But I do see a lot of myself in her. Even her friendship experiences are similar to mine. For example, if you listen to the extended version of the Friendship is Magic theme song, Twilight sings:

“When I was young I was too busy to make any friends. Such silliness did not seem worth the effort it expends. But my little ponies, you opened up my eyes. And now the truth is crystal clear as splendid summer skies. And it’s such a wonderful surprise.”

This is my life in a nutshell.

Also, I’m not the only one to make a connection between Twilight and Autism. Many parents have watched this episode, and they agree the writer (Meghan McCarthy) must’ve had some experience with the condition. If you want to know more, I’d recommend watching Bronies: The Extremely Unexpected Adult Fans of My Little Pony. For now, though, let’s take a look at Lesson Zero.

*

The episode begins with Twilight and Spike making a list of everything she needs to accomplish by the end of the day. Item 1: create said checklist.

Straight away this relates to Autism. A lot of people write lists to remind them of things. But it’s especially helpful if you have trouble processing large quantities of information. When I have multiple thoughts on my mind, it’s difficult keeping track of them all – sometimes I focus too much on certain tasks and forget about doing others. That’s why I write checklists/timetables. If I know when, and how long, to work on something I feel more in control. And it keeps me from stressing out. The only downside is I literally have to note down everything – to the smallest detail.

This is sort of what Twilight does. Her first task is to create the checklist she’s writing; mine is to wake up in the morning. Her last item is to triple-check her list to make sure she didn’t miss anything when she double-checked it; mine is to get to bed by a certain hour. Twilight is definitely a well-organised pony who enjoys doing things by the book. We even see she has a list of materials needed to make a checklist (quills, parchment, ink, etc.).

Back onto the story; Twilight gets ahead of schedule, so she and Spike go to Sugarcube Corner. There, they collect some cupcakes for an afternoon picnic with her friends. When she opens the box, however, there are thirteen cupcakes instead of twelve. The store owner, Mrs Cake, says she had one extra, so she made it a “baker’s dozen”. Twilight appreciates the thought, but she’s concerned that icing from the thirteenth cupcake is getting over the one next to it – thus making them uneven. She tries to balance things out. But ends up removing all but a drop of icing from each cupcake.

I have to say, this might be the most memorable moment of the entire series for me. Twilight is acting more Autistic/OCD here than she ever has in the show’s history (i.e. letting a small change throw her off and trying to fix something that’s not a problem).

Technically, yes, there’s nothing wrong with the cupcakes. But for Twilight, there’s a major issue. She doesn’t want her friends to think she’s valuing some ponies over others by giving them more icing. You might say this is overreacting a bit, but it’s easy to see a small problem as something bigger – especially when you’re autistic. Plus, Twilight feeling this way isn’t unreasonable. In a previous episode, she couldn’t decide which friend to take with her to a party, and it caused some friction within the group (S1, Ep3).

It’s also established that Twilight is a perfectionist and prefers doing things exactly right. However, being this way 24/7 has its drawbacks. In some cases, you end up making a problem worse rather than fixing it. Case in point: me and my writing.

If I were in Twilight’s predicament, my problem wouldn’t be with the icing, but rather the number of cupcakes. Since you can’t divide thirteen by six (evenly), I’d want to get rid of that extra cupcake. It probably wouldn’t even occur to me to just save it or give it to Spike – which I’m surprised Twilight didn’t think of.

It turns out, though, this scene only foreshadows a greater problem to come.

With the cupcakes in tow, Twilight and Spike head home. Spike has a “claw-cramp” after holding the checklist all day and says he’s glad they don’t have anything to report to the Princess this week.

Before I go on, let me explain.

At this point in the series, Twilight would write letters to Princess Celestia at the end of every episode. The letters would express the moral of the story and what lessons she learnt about friendship – you know, typical kid’s show stuff. Here’s the thing, though; Celestia never said this was a weekly assignment. You could assume she mentioned it off-screen. But it makes more sense to think that Twilight decided this deadline herself. We know she takes pride in being Celestia’s student and is determined to prove her worthiness. So it’s natural she’d want to set herself personal goals.

As we find out, though, trying to do too much too soon can have disastrous consequences.

Twilight looks over her journal and discovers it’s been almost seven days since she sent her last letter. Which means, if she doesn’t send one by sundown, she’ll be late for the assignment – something that’s never happened before. Spike tells her not to worry because he’s sure the princess will forgive her for missing one little deadline. But Twilight doesn’t want to take the risk. In fact, she’s concerned what might happen if Celestia thinks she’s slacking off.

Remember that greater problem I mentioned earlier? This is it.

(Continued in Part 2: https://georgeharvey2015.wordpress.com/2016/10/22/my-little-pony-lesson-zero-and-autism-part-2/)

(Image courtesy of http://www.brony.com/brony-facts-faq/my-little-pony-cast/)