Life is challenging. Anyone will tell you that. It’s full of fears, choices and tasks that will ultimately decide whether you have a life that’s truly worthwhile. To reach your full potential you have to face these challenges head-on and complete them to the best of your ability. Most people find this hard – even the most confident among us – but those who have Autism struggle more because of the additional restraints placed on them by their condition, e.g. short attention, social anxieties and other stresses. I can’t speak for everyone who has Autism, since its effects vary depending on the person. However, these are just some of the challenges I’ve had to face in my Autistic life.
For as far back as I can remember, I’ve always had trouble paying attention. Whether I’m in lessons, sitting with friends or family, working on a checkout, or in any other situation that requires me to listen, I find it difficult to stay focused. The reason for this is I have what I call ‘mind fantasies’. Whenever a situation feels boring – or at least doesn’t feel very interesting to me – I like to remember things that do interest me (e.g. wrestling, anime, TV shows, movies, games, etc.) so my mind doesn’t fall asleep. I often find myself replaying different scenes or stories in my head, and it distracts me from what I’m supposed to be listening to. The result is I end up missing important details, or people think I’m being rude and unsociable – which is never my intention. To help this problem, I had TA (teaching assistant) support throughout most of my time in school. They helped me to stay focused in lessons and repeated information to me that I may’ve missed. Over the years I put more effort into listening myself, until eventually I felt I didn’t need support, and I was able to engage and make conversation with people on my own. My ‘mind fantasies’ do still affect me to this day, however, and sometimes I can only speak to people about their interests if they share some of mine.
One of my greatest challenges in primary school was reading and writing; I found reading boring and writing strenuous. I disliked them both so much that I only read simple books from the library and my TAs had to show me where to write down to in my text books. However, as time would go on, my Autism and ‘mind fantasies’ helped me to not only overcome these challenges, but turn them into something I enjoyed. I found that I liked coming up with stories in my head and wanted to write them down for other people to enjoy. In secondary school, this ambition lead to me wanting to become an author. Then in college, I discovered I could use my experiences with Autism to further my writing skills and raise awareness of my condition – like I’m doing here now. Plus, I read all sorts of material these days to get a better idea of what I want to write. It’s amazing how the things I hated most as a child, ended up being what I did for a living. My problem now is actually being a perfectionist and writing too much.
Another difficult challenge I’ve faced is starting at a new school or college/university. Being in a new environment, is difficult for most people, because they’re unfamiliar with everything and everyone. For me though, it’s about more than just leaving things behind and replacing them with new ones (e.g. friends). Having Autism means I like to keep everything organised, so I often live my life like a routine. Week in and week out, I feel that if I stick to this routine then I’ll know all I need to about life and can easily live through it. But with life comes changes, and every time a change is made to my routine it throws me out of my comfort zone. Adjusting to small changes is hard enough, so whenever a major change occurs, and I have to come up with a completely new routine, it literally feels like I’m starting life all over again – a life where I have to become a new person, without any of the comfort I’m used to. Sometimes changing who you are can be for the better. But if you’re not happy with the person you’ve become then what’s the point? Over the years I’ve learnt it’s important to keep something of your old self, and old life, so the transition into a new environment, like school or college can feel less stressful. When I left primary school I still had my sister, ‘mind fantasies’ and TA support, so I was bringing something of my old life to secondary school. Plus, there was a room (the spectrum base/centre) where I was able to meet new friends who shared my interests. These small things helped me to adjust to the new environment and I soon had a new routine in place. The transition into college was similar. I started a Facebook account, so I’d stay connected to the friends I made in secondary school. Plus, my new college group had only 9 other students in it and we soon became close friends. This made working easier, too, because we were able to work off each other to complete tasks.
School and college weren’t the only things that made changes to my routine. During secondary school, I was part of a drama group for two years. Like school, it was a new environment, with unfamiliar people and I had to listen to learn new skills. In a way, my Autism was both a constraint and a benefit in drama. On the one hand, I found it slightly difficult to speak and interact with other people in the group, because I didn’t know much about them. However, because they shared my love of acting, we were soon working together very well. Plus, because my Autism gave me a creative mind, I was helping everyone come up with ideas and it brought us closer together. Even listening and learning was easy in drama, because I was always interested in what I was being taught, so there was no reason for my mind to wander. Another thing I had to overcome in drama was my nerves; my Autism makes me uneasy in big or important situations, and when I get nervous, I GET nervous. But getting up on stage and performing was easy once I swallowed my fear. I was used to acting out scenes from my favourite TV shows, movies, etc, because of my ‘mind fantasies’. So doing it in front of people was almost no different. Fear never goes away, but it’s possible to contain it when you’re doing something you love and know well.
Another scary new experience for me was learning to drive. Before going to drama, I was nervous to even use public transport on my own, let alone get behind the wheel of a vehicle by myself. I knew driving required a lot of attention: if you’re not 100% focused the mistakes you make can potentially be fatal. I wasn’t sure if my ‘mind fantasies’ would distract me, so I put off taking lessons until after I finished secondary school. When I eventually did start learning, my instructor was friendly and I warmed up to her very well. Soon I became quite the capable driver, but my Autism did still cause me troubles. I never got distracted or caused an accident, like I feared, but sometimes I did forget things, which resulted in several close calls. I would always let these mistakes get to me too much and the rest of the lesson wouldn’t go so well. Things didn’t help either with the pressures of university distracting me, too. However, my driving instructor never gave up on me. She told me to keep trying not matter how many times I came up short. So, after taking a break to finish my course, I returned to driving with more determination. It took me six tries, but I was finally able to get my licence. My challenge now is driving new routes unsupervised, which is still a little scary.
One of the biggest challenges I’m faced with today is finding paid work. In the past I’ve always had help finding opportunities: my mum allowed me to work in her school as an assistant helper for Year 11 work experience; my grandad let me work in a pound shop his friend owned; my aunt’s husband worked as a manager in ASDA, and he helped me and my sister get jobs there. When it comes to applying for things myself I find it incredibly nerve-wracking. I often have no idea where to start looking for jobs and even when I do I find the process of applying for them long and stressful. Plus, there’s all the uncertainty about whether the job is right for you or how much of your life it will take up – sometimes I’ve applied for things and half-hoped my application wouldn’t be successful. However, I know how important experience is when it comes to being a professional writer. With the support of my family, I’ve successfully applied for several roles, such as a volunteer library Book-Picker, a Student Ambassador and – most recently – a Youth Patron for ‘Ambitious about Autism’. My next stage is to find something in full-time employment. I know it will be hard, but it’s also valuable to the next stage of my life.
In conclusion, there are times when people with Autism need help to achieve things, but it helps us to grow and eventually become more independent. What we do in life can be amazing. Albert Einstein was autistic and he was one of the greatest scientists who ever lived, Satoshi Tajiri was autistic and he invented the Pokemon franchise. I’m autistic and I hope someday to be a novelist. Life is challenging – especially when you have Autism – but the rewards are great if you overcome your limitations.
If you liked this post, then feel free to check out my other pieces on this blog. Also, please check out the blog of Alex Lowery – a fellow Youth Patron – where I first uploaded this piece. His work and ambitions to raise awareness of Autism are the same as mine, and he very generously posted a link to my blog on his site, so it’s only right I post one for his (http://www.alexlowery.co.uk/). Please continue to support us both in our writing. Leave me a comment if you have any questions – I’ll be glad to answer then – and, as always, keep an eye out for the next post. Stay tuned.
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