Into My Autistic Mind

A lot of people wonder just what goes through the mind of a child or adult with Autism. How do their thoughts compare with other people’s, and how does it effect their focus and behaviour?

Whilst I can’t speak for every person who has Autism, I can allow you a glimpse into my own mind and show you some of the thoughts I have as an adult because of my condition.

The following lines may seem like random gibberish to you. But they are the actual, unfiltered, thoughts I had whilst writing this blog post.

It’s so sunny outside. I can see the shadow of a chair in front of me. The wind’s blowing softly. I just had to correct my text by changing a comma in to a full stop. I’ve also made several mistakes in my grammar whilst writing that last sentence. It’s good to have auto-correct on your iPad, but it can be annoying when it comes up with the wrong word – especially when sometimes that word doesn’t exist. I should say I’m outside. I’m suddenly thinking of a still shot from ‘My Little Pony Friendship is Magic’. I’ll admit it: I’m a Brony. Hold on, let me just correct something. There all fixed. My ‘I’ll’ came up ‘lol’ on my iPad. Stupid auto-correct. Various cartoons I used to watch are in my head now. I’m still thinking of that shot from ‘My Little Pony’. Bertie my dog has just jumped on the trampoline. He’s looking at me intently. I walked him earlier, but he rolled in poo so I had to give him a bath. That reminds me of a show I used to watch called ‘Angelia Anaconda’. I’m hearing a lawnmower in the distance. My rabbit Millie is… Wow I suddenly had to pause there. Now there’s a plane above me and I’m thinking of the O2 area in London, where you can actually walk over it now. My sister has done it before, but I haven’t. Now I’m thinking of Colin Baker back when he was ‘Doctor Who’. There was a whole season that got cancelled in the 80s – “the season that never was” or “the lost season”. I keep thinking of a joke someone said – I think his name was Philip Segal or something – he said if they had set an entire ‘Doctor Who’ story on a cable-car ride it would be just fine. It was something to do with an idea for a story they were planning for “the lost season”. Maybe you wouldn’t understand. Yes, as I was trying to say, Millie is scratching about in her hutch behind me and I can still feel the warmth of the sun and the blow of the wind and voices in the distance. I’m think of a ‘Dexter’s Laboratory’ episode where a toy monkey smiles. Another pause. I wonder if I should make the TV shows I mention more clear. There that should do it – there enclosed with apostrophes now. I’m still thinking of that monkey and another monkey that was mentioned in ‘Jimmy Neutron’. I probably shouldn’t make this too long – I’ve got people coming to the house with shopping and I need to meet them at the door. I’ve also got a presentation to finish before next Tuesday. I was just thinking of a song from ‘My Little Pony’ – sorry it keeps coming into my head. I’m one of the older guys who like that show. Okay, now I’m thinking of something else, but I really shouldn’t say what it is. It’s hard when you get a thought in your head and you just want to get rid of it because of how embarrassing it is. I just had to scratch my head there. And now I remember playing a computer action game of Pixar’s ‘Monsters Inc’ – I said ‘Disney’ before, but I changed it to ‘Pixar’ to be more specific. Wow! I’ve already written more than 500 words! But now I’m thinking of ‘Doctor Who’ again and the episode where a monster keeps repeating everything David Tennant says: “roast beef, bananas, the medusa cascade, BANG, Rose Tyler, Martha Jones, Donna Nobel, TARDIS.” It’s really funny now I remember it. I can’t help giggling. Another thing that made me laugh for ages was a YouTube, ‘How it should have ended’ animation on Indianna Jones – excuse me ‘Indiana Jones’. I’ll leave the spelling mistake for you to see. Millie is sucking at her water now and Bertie’s collar is still drying on the chair. He’s a little way off into the garden looking at something. The phone’s ringing now, but I don’t think it’s for me. I’ll just let it go to voice mail if it’s… Another pause. Well it’s not for me and I don’t think they’ve left a message – they never do unless it’s important. I don’t know why but I’m remembering Hillary Duff in ‘Cheaper by the Dozen’ with a face mask on. Now I remember her in the ‘Lizzie Maguire Movie’ where she’s in Rome. And also her first appearance in film as Wendy in ‘Casper meets Wendy’. I remember seeing ‘Casper’ cartoons when I was younger. Gosh I can’t seem to spell ‘remember’, I just had to correct the one I just typed. But anyway I remember – oh great I did it again. There fixed it. Anyway Casper scared somebody so much they jumped up inside their hat and floated away – weird huh. And then Casper flies to the moon and meets little people like in ‘Guilver’s Travels’. Guliver and Rapunzel and other fairytale or fictional characters appeared in ‘Doctor Who’ once in the land of fiction. They even had Medusa with her snake hair – in fact that reminds me of the Medusa that appeared in ‘Clash of the Titans’ – the really old version with Dynamation. I really like old classic stories like ‘Little Women’, ‘Time Machine’ and the like. Hopefully they will help me well on my way to being an author myself. That’s what I’d like to do one day – I just fixed an error there – I’d like one day to be an author and help others with my condition and other disabilities. I’m still thinking of the face of that ugly Medusa in ‘Clash if the Titans’. Is that even the title of the movie – I might have got one word wrong. It’s a film that came out before the third ‘Star Wars’ (Return of the Jedi). I just took a stick from Bertie. He’s sitting in the shade of the table near me now and Millie is still moving about in her hutch. Maybe I should let her out and enjoy the sun. Then again, I don’t want Bertie chasing her and she can easily get caught somewhere – that’s the trouble with having a big garden. She has gotten out before. Bertie is crunching the stick now. Why am I remembering an episode of ‘Blue’s Clues’ and why do I say ‘remember’ a lot in this. I almost misspelt the word again. Did you know ‘misspell’ is the most misspelt word in the English language. At least according to ‘Qi’ – I love that show with all its unusual facts. Bertie is really crunching that stick. I can’t seem to stop myself typing – I just made another error – but I know I should stop soon. I don’t want this to go on for too long. And I still have a presentation to finish. Oh dear, this is more than 1,100 words now. I’ll stop it here and continue some other time.

Hopefully this one long paragraph has allowed you to get an idea of my life and some of my interests. Even as I’m writing this part now, more unusual thoughts are coming into my head. But now you can see what’s on my mind throughout the day and why it’s easy for my thoughts to wonder. If you like what I’ve written leave me a comment and look out for the next post. Stay tuned.